THE WHEELIE BIN MYSTERY

It is our misfortune to live in an area where the refuse is collected fortnightly and quite simply it does not work. Our Local Authority, a collection of incompetent cheeseparing chisellers issued this decree during a bout of swingeing cuts, a couple of years ago during a cost cutting exercise.

It is odd that they still seem to have plenty of resources available when it is a question of crackpot prestige projects but that is by the way.

When the fortnightly refuse collection came into force each household was issued with a medium sized wheelie bin and a small plastic box for recyclable rubbish.. We were ordered to recycle glass, tins, and cardboard, however plastic would not be collected! The lids of the bins must be able to close when the bin is full on pain of having your “over full” bin left unemptied.

This makes life difficult as of course cardboard waste takes up a good deal of space so that the box provided is often full in a couple of days, leaving one no alternative but to dispose of any further cardboard waste in the wheelie bin.

There are, of course recycle points in various places but there are none in the village so unless one has a car it is impossible to use these facilities, unless one is prepared to trek four miles while man hauling a mass of trash!

Our Generous Local Authority will only deign to collect any extra recyclable trash on payment of forty pounds, although it is possible to undercut them by handing over twenty pounds to the refuse collectors directly!

Naturally this edict has been the cause of much disquiet among the people of out lying villages such as ours and it is the elderly and disabled who suffer most from this ludicrous state of affairs.

Of course some have benefited from the regime, farmers for instance have noticed a decrease in their rat population, as the little blighter’s have given up the meagre rural diet found on the farms for the richer pickings to be had from village bins.

On bin day the village resembles Hamlin Town as the rat population swarm onto the roads in search of pickings left behind as the refuse collectors drop a considerable amount the contents of the bins in the road during the business of emptying them!

On occasion as much as a quarter of the bins contents has to be scrapped of the road and returned to ones bin, thus leaving even less space for any new refuse.

The scene is set, now for the mystery.

It seems that someone has taken a dislike to the, admittedly ugly bins and on the nights when they are left out for collection this unknown individual is touring the village undercover of darkness in order to wrench of their lids and fill them full of holes! This has been the cause of considerable annoyance to an already beleaguered and disgruntled village population.

Street lighting is sparse in this vicinity and one is obliged to use a flash light if one has occasion to roam the village after dark..

Some villagers have taken it upon themselves to creep about at night in an attempt to uncover the identity of the bin buster and to catch him red handed and this has lead to some amusing situations.

One poor soul, out walking his dog in the early hours of the morning was set upon by a pair of irate villagers when caught near a bin. It transpired that he was merely disposing of a bag of doggy poo rather than taking it home with him, in itself a pernicious practice, and one that is all too common here.

On another occasion a lady was caught stuffing her rubbish into a neighbours bin as hers was already full. Further investigation revealed that this too has become a common practice in the village and on Thursday nights when the bins are put out, the lanes are full of villagers creeping about in search of half empty bins in which to dispose of their own surplus rubbish!

Woe betide anyone who leaves a skip unattended for more than a few moments for he is sure to return to find it piled hight with bottles, tins and cardboard waste, not to mention plastic bottles, a local scourge.

In spite of the efforts of our amateur detectives the identity of the wheelie bin vandal remains a mystery.

The Local Authority are, of course, not at all pleased by the number of requests for new bins and have threatened to charge those who have requested more than one new bin in the past year; a statement which has caused howls of protest from all concerned:

It seems they believe that the villagers are trashing their own bins as a form of protest against the fortnightly collections, well I suppose it might be true but I think it unlikely as our own bin has been vandalised recently and we had nothing whatever to do with it's destruction. No honestly!

Meanwhile, tonight is bin night and I expect that once again the “Phantom Bin Basher! Will be abroad and about his nefarious pursuits.

I heard it privily that one gentleman has decided to hide inside his bin in order to catch the Phantom.

All I can say is that on a foul night like this, good luck to the fellow and rather him than me!